Gender isn’t one-size-fits-all - it’s a blend of who we know ourselves to be inside and how we decide to express that to the world on the outside. And these two parts, gender identity and gender expression, can look different for everyone.
In this post, we’re going to explore what each of these means, why they matter, and how learning about them can open up new ways to understand and support each other. So, if you’re ready to go beyond the basics and discover a deeper, more authentic view of gender, let’s dive in.
Gender Identity: Who You Are Inside
Gender identity is something that comes from within. It’s the deeply held sense of who we are, regardless of what others might see or expect. Imagine gender identity as your inner compass - it’s there to help you feel grounded, to affirm who you are on a level that goes beyond appearance.
Today, gender identity is recognized as a spectrum. Some people identify as male or female, while others may see themselves as non-binary, genderqueer, or genderfluid - identities that exist beyond the traditional male/female framework.
Each person’s gender identity is unique to them and doesn’t have to fit into any specific box. For example, someone assigned female at birth might identify as male, or someone might feel like they don’t fit entirely into “male” or “female” categories and identify as non-binary.
As actress and advocate Laverne Cox puts it, “We are born as who we are; the gender thing is something that is imposed on you.”
Gender Expression: How You Share Your Identity With The World
So if gender identity is about who we are on the inside, gender expression is how we show that identity to the world. It’s what people see when they look at us - the clothing we wear, the way we style our hair, our mannerisms, and our voice. But here’s the key: gender expression doesn’t have to “match” someone’s gender identity or fit society’s ideas of what “masculine” or “feminine” looks like.
In today’s world, gender expression is wonderfully varied and doesn’t have to align with traditional norms. A cisgender woman (someone whose gender identity matches her assigned sex) might prefer a short haircut and suits, which are typically seen as “masculine.” Or a non-binary person might enjoy mixing traditionally masculine and feminine clothing because that’s what feels right to them. Gender expression can be playful, serious, or somewhere in between—it’s simply how people choose to share who they are.
Non-binary artist Alok Vaid-Menon uses fashion to express their identity boldly, embracing colors, makeup, and patterns. Alok explains, “Gender is not something that one is; it is something one does, an act... a ‘doing’ rather than a ‘being.’” This captures the idea that gender expression is a creative choice and doesn’t need to fit into society’s boxes.
Why Knowing The Difference Matters
Understanding the difference between gender identity and gender expression helps us be better friends, family members, coworkers, and allies. Recognizing that gender identity is who someone knows themselves to be and that gender expression is simply how they share that with the world allows us to approach each person as they are - without judgment or assumptions.
Supporting Each Other On This Journey
If this is new to you, that’s okay. Learning about gender identity and expression opens up a whole world of empathy and understanding. Here are a few ways to show support for the people around you:
● Use Names and Pronouns Respectfully: When someone shares their pronouns, using them consistently is a small but powerful way to show respect.
● Celebrate Expression: Everyone expresses themselves in their own way. Embrace and celebrate the diversity around you without expecting people to conform to any “rules” about gender.
● Stay Open to Learning: Everyone’s journey with gender is different. Being open to questions and unlearning assumptions helps us all grow and build a more inclusive world.
By understanding gender identity and expression, we can connect with each other in ways that go beyond appearances and assumptions. This understanding helps us see people as they truly are—complex, unique, and worthy of respect. And that’s a lesson worth sharing.
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