The holiday season is often painted as a time of togetherness, warmth, and holiday cheer. But for many LGBTQIA+ individuals, it can also bring stress, family conflict, or feelings of isolation.
Between navigating complex family dynamics and managing the pressure of holiday traditions, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.
This guide is here to help. Whether you’re dealing with tense gatherings, unsupportive relatives, or the general chaos of the season, we’ve compiled actionable tips to help you prioritize your well-being, find moments of peace, and redefine what the holidays mean to you.
Understanding the Challenges
The holidays often come with a silent (or not-so-silent) checklist of expectations: follow tradition, keep the peace, and avoid rocking the proverbial sleigh. For LGBTQIA+ individuals, this can mean pressure to conform to heteronormative roles or avoid discussing your identity and relationships.
Add to that the sting of unsupportive relatives - whether it’s someone ignoring your pronouns or your partner - and it’s no surprise that gatherings can feel more like endurance tests than celebrations.
Crowded rooms, obligatory conversations, and outdated traditions can also add stress. Recognizing these triggers is the first step to managing them effectively.
Preparing for Family Gatherings
When planning to attend family gatherings, preparation is key.
Set Realistic Expectations: Some family members may never change their views, and that’s okay. Focus on what brings you peace instead of seeking their approval.
Establish Boundaries: Decide in advance what topics are off-limits and how to redirect conversations. A simple, “Let’s talk about something else,” can defuse awkward moments.
Plan an Exit Strategy: Driving yourself or arranging transportation ensures you can leave when needed, putting your well-being first.
Managing Stress During the Event
Once you’re at the event, managing stress becomes top priority. Stay grounded with techniques like deep breathing or stepping outside for fresh air when you need a moment to yourself. Even holding a warm cup of cocoa can act as a calming anchor.
Look for allies in the room - supportive family members or a trusted friend you brought along. These connections can provide emotional backup and make the experience more manageable.
For those moments when conversations take an uncomfortable turn, have a few redirection strategies ready. If someone asks invasive questions like, “When are you getting married?” try responses like, “I’m focusing on what makes me happy right now” or redirect the conversation to a “safe” topic like favorite recipes or plans for the New Year.
Important Note: Handling more serious disrespect, like misgendering or deadnaming, is deeply personal. Choose whether to correct, redirect, or disengage based on what feels safest and most empowering for you in the moment. And if a conversation turns argumentative or toxic, remember that walking away is always an option - protecting your peace and your personal safety is #1 priority.
Self-Care During the Holidays
The beauty of the holidays is that they are what you make of them. If spending time with your bio-family is too complicated or hurtful, spend the holiday with chosen family instead - friends who affirm and celebrate you.
Give yourself permission to decline invitations that feel unsafe or overwhelming. Saying no isn’t selfish; it’s self-preservation. And don’t hesitate to reach out for support - whether it’s talking to a friend, therapist, or hotline, seeking help when you need it is a sign of strength.
Final Thoughts
The holidays don’t need to be perfect - they just need to be yours. Prioritize your well-being, embrace the people and traditions that bring you joy, and remember that your community is here to support you. Share this guide with someone who might need it, and know you’re never alone in this season or beyond.
Resources for LGBTQIA+ Holiday Support
Crisis Hotlines:
The Trevor Project: 1-866-488-7386
Trans Lifeline: 877-565-8860
Local LGBTQIA+ Centers: Many host holiday events or support groups. Click here to find one near you.
Online Communities: Join forums or social spaces like this one for LGBTQIA+ youth to connect with others online.
Comments